I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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