A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
