I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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