Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my phone needs a breathalizer
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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