if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
