homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
