Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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