All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
