she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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