what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
