and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think i scared a bird with my dick
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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