walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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