Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
