I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
