I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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