He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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