somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
