I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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