She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
