Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
