Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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