I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
