No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
