who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Watching her eat just hurts me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
