I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
