break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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