He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
