he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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