just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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