I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
