Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
