so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
