I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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