so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
