I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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