your parents love me but you hate me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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