I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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