How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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