How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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