I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
