My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
