So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
