I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
