Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found puke in my bra..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
