Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
