btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
