Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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