I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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