hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
