Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
