Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
