Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
