Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Are my feet made of real feet?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
