somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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